Feeling neglected by your partner? You may be a fuser.

"A what?" you say.
A Fuser. A Fuser is a person who has a craving for connection. Fusers want to do things together, with their partner, almost all the time and sometimes that "wanting to be together" can feel insatiable.
Fusers often feel disappointed, frustrated and hurt in relationships. Fusers talk about being "left behind" or "ignored" by their partners. They want more time, more attention, more engagement from their partners. It rarely feels like enough.

At the extreme, Fusers are terrified of being left. It's a very deep seated fear that is often associated with what it would feel like for a child to be abandoned by their parent. Less intense variations of "being abandoned" can include if the fuser's partner cancels a date, is consistently late, or shows affection to other people. 

The most painful part of being a fuser is that the constant pressure of wanting to be together puts their partner and their relationship into an unhealthy cycle of push and pull where the fuser feels as if their partner is constantly pushing them away. When the partner pushes them away, the fuser panics and wants to get closer. As the fuser wants to get closer, their partner keeps withdrawing and pushing and around and around it goes.
 
This unhappy cycle can destroy relationships. 

There are several ways to interrupt this nightmare relationship merry-go-round. I teach clients, who are fusers, how to be more empowered and independent. Clients develop a clear vision of who they are in their relationships and they learn specific strategies and skills that help them feel safe in themselves, less reliant on the approval and affections of their partners and worthy of love in many different ways so that they don't rely so heavily on their partner to meet all their needs.

Interestingly, Fusers often choose to be in relationship with Isolators. Click here to learn more about Isolators.

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