"A what?" you say.
A Fuser. A Fuser is a person who craves connection. Fusers want to do things together, with their partner, almost all the time, and sometimes that "wanting to be together" can feel insatiable.
Fusers often feel disappointed, frustrated, and hurt in relationships. Fusers talk about being "left behind" or "ignored" by their partners. They want more time, more attention, more engagement from their partners. It rarely feels like enough.
At the extreme, Fusers are terrified of being left. It's an intense fear associated with what it would feel like for a child to be abandoned by their parent. Less extreme variations of "being abandoned" can include if the fuser's partner cancels a date, is consistently late, or shows affection to other people.
The most painful part of being a fuser is that the constant pressure of wanting togetherness puts their partner and relationship into an unhealthy cycle of push and pull. The fuser feels that their partner is constantly pushing them away; when the partner pushes them away, the fuser panics and wants to get closer. As the fuser seeks to be closer, their partner keeps withdrawing and moving out, and around and around it goes.
This unhappy cycle can destroy relationships.
There are several ways to interrupt this nightmare relationship merry-go-round. I teach clients who are Fusers on how to be more empowered and independent. Clients develop a clear vision of who they are in their relationships. They learn specific strategies and skills that help them feel safe in themselves, less reliant on their partners' approval and affections, and worthy of love in many different ways so that they don't rely so heavily on their partner to meet all their needs.
Interestingly, Fusers often choose to be in a relationship with Isolators. Click here to learn more about Isolators.
5/4/2018 09:38:40 pm
I don't think this can be ever corrected. I think it's normal for people who are deeply in love to want to be connected. If the other party feels differently, then maybe they are just in the relationship for the wrong reasons. I know a lot of people who only stay in a relationship because of the children. Some are in it for the huge amount of money they can get from their partners. I don't think this people are really in love. Not in a whirlwind way, but I think they are living a lie and just dragging the other to drown with them. They should just break up.
5/20/2018 06:29:54 pm
Thank you for your thoughts. I agree. People are in relationships for all kinds of reasons and some of those reasons don’t make sense to those of us looking in.
10/17/2022 09:14:38 pm
Upon brother behind lot affect pressure believe question. Case commercial vote yeah until see. Family any study view amount.
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